busterswetbutt:

THE CONNORS

Episode 1, Part 1:

Roseanne Conner, respected housewife and mother, awakens to discover herself in a vast desert wasteland. Tired, hungry, irritable - Roseanne wanders the desert until she collapses.
She AGAIN awakens, this time to a perfectly manicured (see: whorey look) hand gently slapping her face in a desperate attempt to wake her from her exhausted slumber.

“Darlin’! Darlin’, are you with me?”

Roseanne slowly opens her eyes. She sees a flawless GODDESS kneeling before her and staring into her eyes - her very soul, even. “What the…?” Roseanne makes an attempt to get up, but the stranger blocks her move.

The stranger clamps a hand on Roseanne’s mouth before she can make a sound. “Shhhh…” she says, “Stay as quiet as possible. We’re in great danger here.” Roseanne acknowledges that she will obey via a nod.

“The name’s Cristal Connors,”  Cristal says as she removes her hand from Roseanne’s mouth, wipes it on her barely-there outfit, and examines it for traces of saliva or stray food. “Who are ya, darlin’? And what in the hell are you doing out here?”

“R-roseanne, Roseanne Conner. I don’t know where ‘here’ is; where are we?!” Roseanne whispers, eyes shining with fear and excitement.

“Well, if ya don’t know already…” Cristal shakes her head briefly. “We’re in the south of Nevada, near Area 51. I found you collapsed about two miles back north and brought you to my temporary campground. You thirsty?”

“I need some water bad…” Roseanne croaks, again feeling woozy and even more disoriented. “How did I get here? The last thing I remember…”

“The last thing you remember is the first thing you should forget, darlin’.” Crystal says, giving Roseanne a stern look. “You won’t be going home again.” Roseanne’s eyes widen and as she begins to lose consciousness for a third time, she hears rapid gunshots in the distance…